There are so many simple pleasures from being a part of The Relationship Circle. One of my favorites is when someone moves from wading in spectator or advice giver to bathing in worker. Here’s what I mean by worker. A worker at the circle is someone who is willing to look at themselves without explanation or defensiveness. To see what they do and whether it’s working or not, period. Then the worker takes responsibility for their pattern and chooses that she is willing to discard it. It is a fully immersive experience, full of feeling, uncertainty, knowing your alive.

It takes courage to be a worker, when what we are trained in is self-protection, blaming others, throwing our hands up, seeking agreement from our “friends” who point the finger out there at what’s wrong and make us right for how we keep doing things. Workers inspire the entire circle, they raise the level of the work for all, because now at least one more person is willing to take the dive into stark self-reflection. One more person sees that you don’t die when you stop defending yourself over things you do.

The worker epitomizes strength and grace. It takes strength to live without your protection. Grace is what we see when someone is living in an undefended way, showing their scars and choosing to trust something where they cannot just rest on the safety of familiarity and prior knowledge, where you’re out on a limb and playing for what you really want out of life.

Be a worker, the water’s fine.